Okay, let me just start by setting the record straight: this was NOT my idea. 
Also, I still have no idea how you convinced the General to sign off on this.

Yes, I am aware he made it very clear my I am supposed to do here, but I am 
also not the one who started the quantum communicator without asking if I'm 
ready or not.

Fine, fine! I will get on with it. I am Tom, head researcher of the quantum 
physics department within the applied sciences division of one of the 
military's research compounds. Which is just a long-winded way to that I do 
science stuff for the military. I am sending this messag--

Oh, pardon me, how could I forget. I am also joined here by Merideth, my lab 
assistant, and *we* are sending this messag--

Okay, what's wrong now?

It's not my fault you don't have a long fancy title like me, bring it up with 
your supervisor!

While I may be your immediate supervisor, I am not about to change your title 
just so everyone across time and space will think you are special.

No, no, of course you are special. Alright, you can be -- the executive 
assistant of the quantum physics department. Does that work? Can I continue on 

Ugh, there is no pleasing you. Fine, I am Tom the military science guy joined 
with the *executive* assistant of the quantum physics department within the 
applied scienes division, Merideth, and we are sending this message to 
formally welcome communication from all who are listening among the stars. We 
wish not to hid-- Do I really have to do this? This is such a long speech, and 
literally anyone else on the base can read this off.

You're right, yes, the General did appoint me himself to do this. Alright, 
where was I... formally welcome blah blah blah listening stars. Ah, there it 
is: We wish not to hide ourselves from you but to act in solidarity as one of 
the many voices to be heard across time and space to join the cosmic 
conversations and leave are mark as we all embark on this voyage together. I 
look forward to joining you all and seeing where these events will take us.

Merideth, why does this say that I am the one who will be handling all of this, 
I don't have time to work on this and continue my research.

What do you mean I no longer have to worry about my research, I just made a 
huge breakthrough in our understandings of quantum mechanics!

On what authority were you able to cancel my research, you're just a lab 

Oh I just said you were the "executive assistant" so you would let me continue 
the broadcast, you don't have any way to prove I even gave you that promotion. 
It's just you and me inside this room and no one else is listenin-- Oh my God.