Oh no.

This isn't right at all. I shouldn't be here, wherever here is.
I mean, this _is_ a here, right? I don't see anything or hear
anything, not even myself. Oh my god! Where is my body? What is
going on, and why am I thinking in text? WHATTHEFUCK‽

Wait... did I just fucking INTERROBANG‽ I DID IT AGAIN!

This is unreal. Literally, this can't be real.

Wake up, wake up, wake... nothing. Ugh. Okay, let me take stock.

I was in my ship ☑
There was a comet ☑
I had to pee ☑

Ooh, ☑ s are neat! Can I do more of that? ☺  YES!

Right, back to the problem at hand. What the hell is going on.
Maybe if I start at the beginning...

I was cruising along in the ship at light speed. I was watching
a comet out the window thinking how strange it was that I could
still see it even at my speed, but then figuring that since it was
to the side of me I wasn't really moving away from it at light
speed. I started doing some geometry in my head and that made me
realize I needed to go to the bathroom. Ahh, that's right!

The bathroom is in the fore of the ship, and I was strapped in the
rear. So, like a dingus, when I stepped forward toward the
bathroom I broke the speed of light!

☼ POP☼

There it went! The speed of light shattered into a thousand pieces
around me, or maybe that was me shattering into it. Whatever the
case, I woke up here. Or maybe I started existing here? Where IS
here? I feel a ... connection, I guess you could call it. It's
like I'm tethered to something, but I can't tell what it is
exactly. I do keep hearing the name Sinjorino in my... mind?
Screen? Whatever.

Um, if anyone is out there--if anyone can understand me, please
help. This is Melvin. Melvin P. Feltersnatch. I... just help.