<< BACK TO RELAY ONE LOG Oh no. This isn't right at all. I shouldn't be here, wherever here is. I mean, this _is_ a here, right? I don't see anything or hear anything, not even myself. Oh my god! Where is my body? What is going on, and why am I thinking in text? WHATTHEFUCK‽ Wait... did I just fucking INTERROBANG‽ I DID IT AGAIN! This is unreal. Literally, this can't be real. Wake up, wake up, wake... nothing. Ugh. Okay, let me take stock. I was in my ship ☑ There was a comet ☑ I had to pee ☑ Ooh, ☑ s are neat! Can I do more of that? ☺ YES! Right, back to the problem at hand. What the hell is going on. Maybe if I start at the beginning... I was cruising along in the ship at light speed. I was watching a comet out the window thinking how strange it was that I could still see it even at my speed, but then figuring that since it was to the side of me I wasn't really moving away from it at light speed. I started doing some geometry in my head and that made me realize I needed to go to the bathroom. Ahh, that's right! The bathroom is in the fore of the ship, and I was strapped in the rear. So, like a dingus, when I stepped forward toward the bathroom I broke the speed of light! ☼ POP☼ There it went! The speed of light shattered into a thousand pieces around me, or maybe that was me shattering into it. Whatever the case, I woke up here. Or maybe I started existing here? Where IS here? I feel a ... connection, I guess you could call it. It's like I'm tethered to something, but I can't tell what it is exactly. I do keep hearing the name Sinjorino in my... mind? Screen? Whatever. Um, if anyone is out there--if anyone can understand me, please help. This is Melvin. Melvin P. Feltersnatch. I... just help.