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Source Melchizedek.0294
β Hyi, 3rd Planet
Ascension 00h 25m 45.07037s
Declination –77° 15′ 15.2860″
Distance 24.37ly
Equinox J2000.0 SOL
Year 3782, QEC adjusted

[Autotranslator enabled...]

Eva Hämäläinen, Navigator
:::
When I was a girl I had a small horse, Sunna. She was a pony's
size, but she was a horse, mind you. She didn't like it when Mamma
called her a pony. Sunna liked to be messy. I would brush her for
hours, use the hose and get every bit of grime away. I'd clean her
hooves or change her shoes. Then she would go straight to the mud.
It happened every time. You'd think I would learn a lesson there.

Momma would ask, "why do you clean that pony?" And I would say to
her, "Sunna is a horse, Momma. She likes to be cleaned, but she
likes to be messy too." And then I would go out to her and do it
again. If the day were dry and there was no mud Sunna would roll
in the dirt and lie there looking at me with eyes like wells. She
would lie there and just watch me until I turned that hose on and
made her mud. Then she would roll and make sweet sounds.

When Stephanie came to me after she read the report of the
captain's shuttle her eyes were wells. I had no hose, so I gave
her my tears and together we rolled in the mud and made sweet
sounds. It was a line I thought not to cross with an NCO despite
what I knew we both felt. Our mission. I know this in my mind, but
my heart is soft for those I love. I will wash the horse that will
roll in the mud because I can't deny her. I cannot deny this love
either.

I wish it were joy that broke my oath and not grief. But Jerome
would tell me, "If wishes were horses." I don't know what it
means, except that it makes me think of Sunna more and that gives
me solace. The right thing is not always what you expect. Inside,
though, you can feel it. Does this thing bring you closer to God?
Does this act bring your life? God can work through grief as well
as joy. He can work through a messy horse and he can certainly
work through an extraordinary creature such as my Stephanie.

I will submit myself for disciplinary action. It is also right.
The rules were broken and I will not deny that. The Serif will do
what she must, and I will be who I must. There can be no denying
of self. This is a tenet.
.