Message Incoming...

Source Melchizedek.0294
Approach β Hyi
Ascension 00h 25m 45.07036s
Declination –77° 15′ 15.2860″
Distance 24.33ly
Equinox J2000.0 SOL
Year 3781, QEC adjusted

[Autotranslator enabled...]

Stephanie Janssen, Specialist First-class
Ho ho ho! It's Christmas out here on the floating tin-can and I'm
brewing up some cheer for the crew. In fact, I've brewed up
something much stronger than cheer that's almost certainly against
regulations, but hell! we need it.

The darkness was getting to everyone, so I conspired with Eva and
we made a still. How cool is that? The instructions were in the DB
and we had the parts on hand. The doc's been fermenting the weird
greens since we woke up. We're not supposed to eat them, yet, but
he wants to be ready if they're cleared. So we used a similar
principle and a bunch of piping and bam! Grade C 180 proof
Melchizedek swill. You can TASTE the Christmas cheer!

Eva and I are testing it out tonight on our own. Christmas is
a few cycles off still and we want to surprise the rest of them.
Jerome is gonna flip!


OMG, that was Eva! Sorry. She grabbed the pad. She's had A. LOT.
I did say we needed it.

Things are, frankly, shitty. We're living in a meat locker in near
total darkness with a bunch of popsicle friends. I'm the lowest
ranking crew awake and the only NCO. I'm not even supposed to take
meals with the rest of them, if we had regular meals. Eva is
great, though, and we've been making the best of it. You guys
can't see her, but she's gorgeous. She's got these giant eyes like
a drawing and a tiny little nose you want to boop. OH! I'm gonna
boop her, one sec. YESS--she squeeks when you boop. Eva's the

Um, status-updates: ship's fucked up, we're fucked up, plants are
turning into zombies or something, Jerome is morbid fucker, Eva's
my boo, Doc is doc, Prezzi doesn't take any shite. Fixed up the
steering but we're still going way too fast. Can't slow down
without getting bug squished from the Gs. Jerome says we'll make
it, but he does funny math. Eva gets all serious when she talks
about it. Not, like, poetic serious--that shit's cool. I don't
think she believes him. Prezzi's too busy with the fungus crap to
call him on it, and who else is there? Not gonna be me!

So we need a little Christmas! Right this very minute! You know
the song? Is it still playing round the verse or are we the last
holdouts? I saw a note from Excelsior that they still celebrate
Christmas. That's something! They're putting up lights around
their servers. Bloody brilliant, that! Eva looked around and we
found some green LEDs and quantum resonance diode cells that make
a faint purple. It's traditionally supposed to be green and red,
right? Too bad red LEDs were banned after the 4th great robot
uprising. I can't believe it took everyone that long to figure out
they can't go evil if they don't have red LEDs for eyes. Stupid
fucking people. We really deserve to be out here in the shit,
don't we?

Three more months! Or that's what Jerome says.

Oh shit shit shit shit shit. He can read this. Fuck. Me.

Oh fuck it. Someone had to tell him all this to his face at some
point. At least I can blame it on alcohol. It's a Christmas
fucking miracle.

Peace, Universe. I hope Santa brings you some cake. We fucking
love cake.