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You get that speech-to-text working yet Mindy?

Yes sir, we’re on air.

We’re WHAT?

We’re on air, sir.

Ahem. GREETINGS Stardust Riders! This is DJ BiggiePants coming to you fresh out
of the Triangulum Galaxy on the planet—uh, what did we name this planet?

Backhoe, sir.

“Backhoe”? What kind of name is that?

The Yangs’ son, he named it.

COMING TO YOU fresh from the planet BACKHOE which apparently was named by the
awnriest kid on the ship, and probably means we’re all gonna die.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some ROCKIN’ GOOD FUN while we’re doing it!
Right Mindy?

Yes, sir.

But first, in QEC Intergalactic News: 

Someone dropped a pen down an elevator shaft at Extrasolar Outpost 037.b., and
is afraid that because they’re so far from civilization, they may never see
that pen again.

That’s it for intergalactic news!… We just set up the QEC unit, so there's not
much of it. Sorry bout that.

In local news: 

Here on “Backhoe,” the weather is pretty terrible with winds at 50 knots and
bits of glowing stuff whipping around in the air. It doesn’t seem too
dangerous, but the wind is really doing some magical things with Chief
Scientist Nyugen’s hair! … It’s okay, folks, it’s okay. She’s a tough
one, just like we all are at Touchdown Point, am I right?!

Yes, sir!

The eggheads assured us that these winds are only seasonal, and a pessimist
might think they made it all up to calm the masses, but gosh darn it I’m in
a GREAT MOOD Stardust Riders, and I’ll just choose to believe them today.  Am I
right or am I right?!

Right, sir.

Anyway, that’s it for local news! It’s pretty exciting around here, having just
touched down in a glowing maelstrom and all. 

So I wanted to start out our first broadcast with a good ’ol rock and roll
tune. And what better way to commemorate the height of human progress than with
a little ditty called Johnny B. Goode!

[music]

Evergreens [uninteligible] read or write [music] Go Johnny [uninteligible]

whoah is that a snake made of plasma? Mindy? Mindy?

I'm kind of busy right now sir!

Go Johnny Go Go [uninteligible]