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[ speech-to-text enabled, QEC unit ready ]

[music]

LIKE A DUECE
roller in the night, 
BLINDED BY
she said I'll turn you on sonny to something strong

she got down but she never got [unintelligible]
she's going to make it ... through the night

[music]

Awwww, yeah... that's right everyone we're definitely gonna make it
through the night aren't we? Isn't that just the sweetest thing
you've ever heard, Mindy?

Yes, sir.

GREETINGS STARDUST RIDERS! DJ BiggiePants comin' at you QEC style
from Touchdown Point on the planet Backhoe, way out here in the
Triangulum Galaxy.  How y'all doing out there in the Big Empty? 

Last time, the intergalactic news was sparse, but you rascals are
definitely up to stuff now, so let's get to it!

[music]

Wow. Mindy, you composed an Intergalactic News Jingle?

Yes, sir.

It's very good. It sounds both serious and urgent.

Thank you, sir.

Alright: Intergalactic News!

[music]

Wait wait wait we don't need to play it again, m'kay?

Yes, sir.

Ahem. After a discomforting hyperspace journey, Captain Atticus and
the crew of the Lavaleer have discovered a new Earth! Ain't that
something? Captain, I congratulate you. Backhoe isn't a backyard
picnic, if you know what I mean. You won the lottery, and good on
you. Chief Scientist Nyugen personally wishes you the best of luck
at your new home. You've earned it.

The ship telitru sent a mysterious transmission reading, quote, "i
mi na djuno i steba" and further explained "selzgaka'erfau ku sutra
kaicne." And I have to say, back at ya, buddy! Hope it works out
for you.

Ron, a reanimated Israeli from twenty-first century Earth -- can
you believe it? -- gave an interview at out-world-colony277
explaining, among more important things, how he misses his King,
who used to hand out burgers to the people. "Burgers,"  according
to Mindy's research, were a delicacy made of ground animal meat,
grilled and placed between toasted hemispherical bread called
"buns." That sounds delicious, doesn't it Mindy?

Yes, sir.

Back in Local News,

[music]

Holy stars you made another jingle?

Yes, sir.

You're very talented.

Thank you, sir.

I mean, what the heck are you doing here out in the middle of
nowhere assisting a hyperactive DJ?

Wish I knew, sir.

Okay, Local News. The "Touchdown Incident." Chief Scientist Nyugen
hypothesized that the plasma snakes who attacked us at Touchdown
Point were a natural electromagnetic effect caused by swirling ion
particles in the dust storm.

However, further research established that the plasma snakes were
PLASMA SNAKES who ATTACKED us. Turns out, Stardust Riders, we're
not settlers on this planet. We're immigrants. 

Apparently the snakes were trying to, ahem, "kill" us so to speak,
by brewing up a hurricane.

Naturally, we're on shaky terms with them. Doctor Nyugen encircled
the camp in an electric field disruptor, so the snakes are being
kept at bay for the moment, until the Yangs figure out a way to
communicate with them. 

On a personal note. Mindy did some heroic things on touchdown day.
She saved my bacon. Yes, she got a little roughed up in the fight,
but I think the scar is completely unnoticeable. In fact, it makes
her more attractive. Thank you Mindy.

You're welcome, sir.

In lighter news, little Stephen planted the first seed in the camp!
It's a pomegranate tree, so it will take a while, and that little
[unintelligible] didn't have the focus to put it in the hole
properly, so who knows, right? ... But! Things are looking great
Stardust Riders! If we can make it out here, YOU can make it out
THERE, and don't you give up, right Mindy?

Yes, sir.

Until next time, here's another great classical piece. Mister DJ
BiggiePants signing off, but first I’m gonna “do my hair toss,” and
”check my nails,” because gosh darnit, everyone on Backhoe is
feeling Good As Hell!

[music] Baby how you feeling Feelin' Good As Hell [music]

Woo child [music] some new sh--

Captain, we have contact. Captain... Captain!

Oh my GOD Dennis, I'm on the air, it's "DJ BiggiePants."

Um... Mister Dee. Mister Biggie... I'm sorry, but I'm not saying
that, sir. We made contact with the "snakes." You need to come
right now, they're getting a bit... animated.

[music] Boss up and change your life

Mindy, I hate to ask but the music's running and --

Yes, sir.

Thanks, you're a dream.

[music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell!

Huh, a ten-meter sphere of glowing tentacles. Is it safe, Dennis?

Probably not, sir.

Ha! Alrighty then! Let's get er done!

[music] Baby how ya feelin? Feelin good as hell!

[music]